Some days being a mother is tough

Esp those days when you have multiple children and u feel like a failure because you can't get to everything.

Mid-September ALREADY!!!

I was having a conversation with someone, and I can't quite remember who it was, but said I was bad about updating everyone on what is going on with us, then it hit me, I need to just blog it all. LMAO. I pretty much use facebook for this purpose, but there are some that aren't on my facebook and that's ok b/c not only do I use it for this purpose I also have a good time with my friends on there and well, that's not for some people's eyes either. LOL

So, I shall create another blog, much like facebook which will be all about our family and what we are doing all of the time. Problem is, the one's that that is for may not like it because they don't tend to accept that OUR FAMILY is 7 people, not just two or three ... ya know!

I'd love to have tall the time to blog and post creations and such, but I just don't have it. A working mom with 5 children, all in school now, a full time job and a husband that mostly travels for his work...... that's just not happening. :)

Mid-September, I just can't believe it. Here's to soccer games, practices, finishing up volleyball season, starting AEP (medicare annual enrollment period) and staying sane.

Cheers. LOL :)

What to blog about

It's hard for me to decide what to blog about. What you put in writing you can never erase. That goes through my mind often, but yet, I feel I have a story to tell, and so what if my story offends anyone. I guess, I'm at a point, where as long as I'm telling the truth, what does it matter, the truth hurts right ... then why am I still so skiddish to write what and how I really feel? I think it's time, and those of you who read this and don't exactly like it, well, just remember that there are always two sides to every story, and this is my side, my honest, not-so christian sometimes side and I have every right and am at every liberty to tell it.

The wonder .... The wonder of You ....

"When no one else can understand me, when everything I do is wrong, you give me hope & consolation, you give me strength to carry on. And your' always there to lend a hand, in everything I do, that's the wonder, the wonder of  you......... I guess I'll never know the reason why, you love me as you do, that's the wonder, the wonder of  you." - Elvis Presley

Elvis said it best ... this song was probably meant for two lovers, however this song explains my fathers love for his children. And today, on fathers day, I understand it just a little bit more. ;)

She don't want the world ....

Heard this song today, it's from a very interesting spot in my past, this song really spoke to me and explained what I was going through about 4 1/2 years ago. To this day, it still speaks to me, and the brand new morning sun did shine! :-)

"She Don't Want The World"

The open wound she hides
She just keeps it bundled up
And never lets it show
She can't take much more of this
But she can't let it go
And that's ok, she don't want the world

All the things she says
While he's just lying there
Without someone to hear her cry
She slips off into a dream
About a place to hide
And that's ok, she don't want the world

This love she feels
Everything she's ever known
Or ever thought was real
Seems like it's been thrown away
Now how's she gonna live
It's ok, she don't want the world

Those words he never spoke
Haunt her life, the memories
Of all the times before
She tried to show him love
While he would only ask for more
But it's ok, she don't want the world

Softly in her sleep
Pictures of the life she's longing
For slowly appear
She's seen them all before
But somehow never quite this clear
She just smiles, she don't want the world

This love she feels
Everything she's ever known
Or ever thought was real
Seems like it's been thrown away
Now how's she gonna live
It's ok, she don't want the world

A brand new morning shines
As she wakes up alone again
This time to face the day
She swears there's time to make it
As she simply walks away
And it's ok, she don't want the world

 

The Calm before the Storm

Suddenly the saying, "the calm before the storm" has a whole new meaning now that I am a mother and a wife. I remember my mother used to use it before predicted drama, but for me, it is simply peace before yet another ridiculous event caused by a very ridiculous person.
I consider myself a very fair and caring person, however I do have my limits! I show huge amounts of compassion, for the right individuals and situations, but I also do not allow you to mess up more than once, if my past has taught me anything, it is that my heart will allow someone to walk all over me and I will be left wondering what on earth did I do to deserve that.
In my previous post I posted that I was angry, and those feelings I am true about, there are things that have happened in my past that I am unable to let go of, and i know that they affect my present and my future, however isn't it all just "the calm before the storm?"
Ideally, life is like a step ladder, each situation is just another rung on your ladder, each storm getting bigger and bigger until it ultimately causes a hurricane where you must prepare and protect yourself. And how do you protect yourself from that storm, well, first you must find the calm, and then you put up walls, cover windows, build shelters and gather supplies.
I've put up those walls, I have built my shelter, i'm covering my windows and what I lack, are the supplies. :)
This is my calm, and the storm is about to fire up.

Change is inevitable ...

Whether its good or bad changes, they will happen and you do have to deal with them. What matters most is HOW you deal with them.
My life has been one big change after another. My mother once told me that drama circled me and that I should write a book because it would be very entertaining for some people. What I didn't know and I doubt she knew either was how the older I got, the drama was no longer funny nor was it welcome.
At 32, I have lived through more life changing and altering events than your average 50 year old, some people would say that those events were coincidental, I say that God chose that drama to shape me into the person I am today. I'm still being molded! I still have many why questions and I still don't agree with many things that happened, but who I am now is because of what I had to go through.
Today I know who I am, where I came from and where I want to be. Today I know what it is liked to have lost my best friend, mother and father as well as making a decision based on a dream and not listening to logic. Today I know the hurt that went with that dream, but I also know the lessons I had to learn through that dream, that I am the person I am today. Today I know how it feels to be truly and honestly loved by a person I can truly call my soulmate and better half.
Drama is part of my life, but today I know love through 5 dramatic voices who all call me "mom" or step"mom", and that drama I wouldn't change for the world.
Today, I know what it is like to stand on my own two feet, I know the good sides and bad sides to my own two feet and I also know how being lifted up can relieve even just one toe :).
Today, j know that all things are possible through Christ and that without Faith, where is hope?
Change is inevitable, drama is not only addictive but also leachy, love is powerful, dreams are dangerous, knowledge is powerful and hope is faith which is everything.