Hmmmmm......

I have a mixture of emotions going on these days, if you know me you'll say quietly, what else is new. :) My mother always told me I thought too fast for my brain to catch up, I think maybe she was right.
Sitting in the ER with Colin yesterday waiting and waiting and waiting reminded me of the last time I was in a hospital room, it was to say goodbye to my father. Many will not like to read this part, but that was truly one of the saddest days of my entire life. I will not give the details, as at first it was all I could do to simply walk into the room where they had been keeping my fathers body until I could get there, I stood at the back of the room and the instant feeling of grief that came over me was tremendous. I will never forget that day. I'm not sure that I have allowed myself to really think about it since, constantly keeping busy and throwing myself into my life and my work and my kids, but sitting with Colin yesterday, brought it all back.
I've always hated hospitals, I learned to respect them since I worked at one for so long, but to this day, I can not go to the 2nd floor of KUH without breaking out into the cold sweats. Coming off of the bridge that connects Wahl Hall to the Main Hospital, turning the corner and seeing Ted, my step father, totally broken down because that is when he just heard what they found when they went in for Mom's hysterectomy. Darn the luck! I will never forget that day either.
I've always said that I've lived through way too much for such a young age, but really, now I just feel old. I'm 31 years old and both of my biological parents have passed. What does that say?
You know what it says, it says that life is too fragile and too darn short worrying about stupid little things, love the one's you have, respect their positions and intentions, understand those who have wronged you, come to grips with reality, and live your life!
My dad used to always say; "Staci, do you believe in your decision?" no matter what it was, he would ask me that. When I would reply Yes, he would say; "Then what does it matter what they think? You live your life to the best that you can, never forget where you came from, make your children happy and move on." Wise words pops!!
I learned unconditional love from the best unconditional loving parents there are.
I'm thankful for my blessings, and sad for the one's I missed out on with my parents.